it happens sometimes...friends come in and out of our lives like busboys in a restaurant...

i don't want to devote a blog entry on this subject...but i need to keep a record of this somewhere so that i do not repeat my very BIG mistake of trusting too easily.

these past few months have been a blur...i met someone i really, really liked--it's been a long, long while since i've felt that way. sigh...let me make this short and sweet: i was well played. and i fell hard. and it is taking me way too long to get over it. unfortunately i tend to dwell on things. it sucks, but it's what i do.

the worst part is, i was warned to stay away and i didn't listen. but do we ever listen when our hearts are in any way involved? i thought i could be that girl...you know, the one that doesn't get attached. i had to learn the hard way to figure out that i just couldn't do it.

so i took myself out of the equation and received no reaction at all. i guess that's what bothers me the most--my burned ego. here i am, thinking about him wondering about the shoulda-coulda-wouldas and he's already found a replacement.

it's funny how truly different men and women are.

on toothbrushes and dating

if a guy you're dating tells you he has a surprise for you, and that surprise happens to be a toothbrush to keep at his place, doesn't that mean something or am i crazy?

i'm not going into the details, but i guess i got the wrong message. i don't get men. at all. in fact, after the last two i've dated, i'm through with them for a while.

i will follow you into the dark

wow. it's been ages since i wrote anything on here. i suppose i'm living up to my self-defined procrastinator status. i've never been able to keep up with a journal, so why i thought i'd keep up with a blog is beyond me.

any news...let's see?

so...i am back to having two jobs. i won't say "i have a second job" because i don't consider either one to be lesser than the other one--i love them both...even though i haven't really started at the new one yet. i train on tuesday! i'm excited.
i'm not that much of a gym rat anymore. i mean, i still try to go every day, but if i skip once or twice it doesn't bother me.
someone STILL has a freaking crush on me. i guess it's not a bad thing, and i should be flattered and all that jazz, but it's annoying when he posts stupid things on his myspace about it. i'm like, dude, you have it IN WRITING that i'm not interested. i didn't talk to you for a year because of the awkwardness. if you are truly my friend, stop it with the mopey emo shit.
i had a birthday. whoo. after 21, birthdays are so not the same.
i watch "heroes".
i'm still single. big surprise.
on that note, i'll sign off :D hopefully i'll be back on here sooner than later!

sleep pretty darling do not cry and i will sing a lullabye

i think i might have a mild case of insomnia...is that even possible? all i know is, i never get to bed until 11 p.m. or later. it's not like i am doing anything important. when i finally do lay down, i listen to my iPod and stare at the ceiling. i don't even take naps when i get home from the gym either. i don't know what's wrong with me. it's like i want to make myself stay up as long as possible to achieve nothing. at least i'm not like christian bale in the machinist. while i consider the whole weight loss thing of christian's insomnia a plus, the deep-rooted raging guilt which caused his lack of sleep is something i don't want on my shoulders.

wakey wakey eggs and bac-y

i have to say that i loved watching the office and lost semi-back-to-back tonight (i guess it is a good thing lost is on at 10, otherwise there would be a conflict of interests for me :P)! being the only two shows i religiously watch, my television will be sorely underused the rest of the week, especially since i put netflix on hold! no more spanish movies for me for a while. "every time i think i'm out, they pull me back in!" yeah. that's sort of what netflix does.

anyway season 4 of lost is really fucking good. i can't wait for the DVDs!!! i am just worried that the season finale will leave me sobbing like last year's. please, please, please spare desmond and sawyer. i'm hoping. but it doesn't look good. and how bad-ass are sayid and benjamin? love.

my previous blog was about my lack of sleep. it's 11:16 p.m. i'm typing a blog entry about TV shows. i blame it on ABC for changing their line-up. i really wanted to be in bed early :(

leaving new york never easy, i saw the light fading out

i haven't been catching many z's lately. i could place the blame on the re-introduction of WoW into my life, but that's too easy...and i don't really play it that much for it to be considered guilty of my sleep deprivation. in all actuality, i've always burned the candle at both ends--is that the saying? i don't know. it doesn't make much sense to me seeing as i'm not made of wax. i just like to stay up late and i detest sleeping in; it gives me a headache and makes me a fucking grouch the entire day. it helps that i have to be at work by 6 a.m., so i 'm used to being up super early. it is a rare day that i sleep past 7.

anyway, i am exhausted. i told myself when i got off of work today, i would skip the gym and go take a much needed nap. so what did i do? i went to the gym and ran 6 miles instead of the 4 i usually do, tanned for 10 minutes, went to harris teeter to get sushi (where i was seduced by that evil temptress, vanilla coke), played mah jong and diner dash for a good 2 hours and am now typing this blog.

why can't i sleep? it's not like it's a hard thing for me to do--lying on the bed curled up with my excess of pillows and my lovely down comforter...it sounds amazing. but i always find something better to do...like figure out this damnable phone i just bought. i'd hate to see myself with an iPhone. half of the crap you can do with that thing would be lost on me...hell, half the things my samsung phone can do are lost on me. i just bought it because it was orange :)

i know this is going to sound very stupid and way too sentimental, but putting my old phone "down" was sort of a big deal to me--it was the last link to my ex. we had signed a 2 year contract on the eve of our break-up (i know, smart, right?). i don't know what i'm trying to say, i guess that that part of my life is behind me; i no longer have any ties to him whatsoever. but it's not like we hate each other--life is way too short for petty shit like that. we're actually friends and speak often. i mean we were friends before we even dated so i guess that's why it wasn't (that) difficult a transition from sullen exes to friends. i actually talk to most of the people i worked with at target all those years ago. but yeah. i am so sentimental with everything! is that bad?

okay, so why the hell have they moved lost to 10 p.m.?! i would say that it's too late and i'll be in bed and blah, blah, blah but obviously, from the paragraphs above, i don't sleep.

i'm tryin', ringo

i have always wanted to be melanie wilkes...you know, the altruistic nemesis of scarlett o'hara. but i just don't have the patience to be that nice. she never passed judgement or said an unkind word no matter what was said or done to her. i look to miss melly when i'm being a complete bitch. i guess you could say she's one of my "fictional heroes". her compassion and understanding and willingness to forgive are things i really admire. i consider melanie to be the strongest of all the gone with the wind characters even though she was physically one of the weakest.

it has taken me most of my life to learn this, but i realize that i can't hold on to anger; it only holds me down. i don't want to be a bitter, ugly person--i don't want to be a miss havisham. remember her hateful ass from great expectations? i am utterly repulsed by her and have feared i'd end up that way ever since i read the book. i want nothing to do with rotting cake and tattered wedding dresses. that will never be me ("that'll never be me, that'll never be me. that'll never be, never be me. NO...NO, NEVER, NEVER, EVER. and don't you EVER THINK IT. " haha. i love say anything--the movie, not the band).