i am continually disappointed in the whole "secret santa" game. every year upon opening my gift and discovering a level of suckatude i didn't think existed, i decree that "i will not be doing it next christmas"...and yet every christmas, i find myself drawing a name from that damnable hat. or cup. or bowl...ok...receptacle. i suppose the negativity takes away from the spirit of giving and of the season, but shit, i am tired of receiving crap gifts.
despite my misgivings, i do actually look forward to secret santa--i have a naive hope that the person who gets my name is as kick-ass a gift giver as i am--see, i can be an optimist. however, my name always tends to end up in the hands of someone who thinks a chia pet is a great present...you know, i've never actually received a chia pet. i did give one to my sister once, but she actually wanted it.
my gifts usually consist of garbage. i got a burned candle one year with the tell-tale black crayon price marking of a thrift store on the bottom of it--not that i am above thrift stores. nay, nay, i practically live in freakin' thrift stores, but when the price limit of a gift is $20, i expect a little more than a 75-cent used candle. hell, they sell new ones for less. fucker. another christmas i got a knockoff esprit sweatshirt with a masking tape price tag upon it (could you at least attempt to hide the fact you're giving me your yard sale rejects?) accompanied by a shower cap. yes. a shower cap. and yet another time (you see what a sucker i am?), i got THE WORST christmas gift of all: a damn ornament. who the hell thinks an ornament is an acceptable christmas present?!?! "gee, thanks for the tacky bauble i won't be able to use for an entire year." inevitably, it is some god-awful mechanical musical hot mess of a thing that will not see the tree the following year. it will see a thrift store and most likely end up in the hands of a serial bad gifter. and the cycle continues.
is it too hard to read what i wrote on "the list" (yes, i agree that a list is a little too veruca salt, but in my experience, people always insist on "the list" under the pretense that if your name is drawn by someone who doesn't know you well, then they have an idea of what to get for you. but it really is just the 'nice' way to attempt to prevent the shite gift syndrome. it's pointless for me though, because i still end up with the singing bass)?!?!
my suggestions for this year were clear (or so i thought):
starbucks
target
aeropostale
what did i get? a giftcard to FYE. i don't shop there. i hate that overpriced waste of space store. in fact, i don't think anybody shops there. it's always empty when i walk by it. there is a fucking starbucks every 10 feet in this city (in most citys, actually), and you couldn't drop in and get me a pound of coffee or a mug?!
sigh. i set myself up every year. i get all excited and convince myself my name won't end up with someone like the frozen dinner giving mom from better off dead or grandma from the ref ("slipper socks. MEDIUM!"). oh well. as far as i'm concerned, secret santa is a MF. maybe next year i'll draw my own name like kevin in the office.
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