caroline has been one of my best friends since 1988. i can't believe that i've known her for almost 20 years! i remember going to her house for the first time--it took me a while to get used to going over there because she is one of 9 children, so the house was always full of people. for those of you who don't already know, i am an extremely quiet introvert and crowds tend to make me nervous.
anyway, i love her family. they are so welcoming and very "together". i don't know how else to describe it, i'm sure there's another word out there for what i'm trying to express but it's lost on me at the moment. i've always been jealous of the relationship caroline and her family have. they're so close and they're always doing things, you know like family trips and dinners and stuff like that. it's just something my home life has always been lacking. i just wish my parents had been more involved in my extracurricular activities. oh, i know my parents love me and take care of me, but they never pushed me to do or be anything. some of the most common words out of my mom's mouth are: you need to find yourself a rich man. umm, ok, thanks for the bang-up advice. let's learn all about dependency.
i remember caroline talking about college back in the 8th grade, and that was the first time i actually thought about school beyond the 12th grade. i didn't understand what college was all about, but i do remember that i wanted to go to virginia tech, just because i had tagged along on a trip to pick up her brother from there one spring break. of course, i didn't end up at tech, i merely applied to ODU since i was scared shitless about leaving home. on the first day of classes, i dropped out. my parents didn't say anything to me about it. i wasn't reprimanded. i wasn't made to do anything. it amazes me that i was allowed to just throw away my future within 10 minutes of signing forms and no one, not even counselors at ODU or my damn parents seemed to notice! i remember feeling so lost. all of my friends were experiencing life in new cities and schools and i had no idea what the future held for me. it's sad, but sometimes i still feel that way. i don't want to be doing what i'm doing, but because of my dire need for health benefits, i feel stuck.
ugh. how did i end up whining? i just wanted to write about enjoying the causey's oyster roast last night! i guess i always feel exposed around successful people. i guess i'm ashamed of my career (or lack of one) and i really hate when people ask about it. but i know i'm the only one that can change my situation, and not the imaginary "rich man" my mother professes i need to find.
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